Q&A: After 19 years of marriage my wife has told me she no longer loves me and does not want to be with me anymore.?
We have 3 children who I love dearly and I am still in love with my wife.
We have had serious arguments in the past (no violence, just words) and she previously asked to go to marriage guidance which I refused (male ego, no one is going to stick their nose in my business etc).
I know I am not without my faults, but I love them all, I put my family before anything I want.
I want to try marriage guidance, but now she is refusing
She has said there is no one else involved and I have to believe and respect that.
She has stated there is no chance of saving our marriage, but do I still try?
She has asked for me to leave her alone (although we still live in the same house at the moment as I do not want to leave my children), what do I do?
Best answer:
Answer by Ghj
maybe over the years you have got fat old and bald, so the wants to leave you
What do you think? Answer below!
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Respect her decision. Give her the space she asks for but still show her your kind self. The space may be all she needs. Also I would make the appointment to go to the counselor. Tell her you are going, day and time if she wants to go with you… she may take you up on it. If she does not , I think you will still need to talk to someone while you go through this.
I’m sorry, but I believe that she pecifically asked you to leave her alone and that shes not interested anymore. AND that there’s no chance saving your marriage.
So you should take her word.
Aslong as you still get to see your kids.
I’m sorry to be reading this because i know how much that can hurt although I would not take no for an answer it’s hard to let go. If your trying to make it work because of the kids let me tell you that it don’t work she is going to hate you you and you’ll be miserable. Cut your loses and work out a good visitation with the kids.
Best of luck
accept it buddy, she seems to have her mind made up and people do tell lies you know. It just doesnt end in a flash, underlying reasons.
I would keep trying with the counseling, maybe even set up an appointment to show how serious you are and try to get her to go.
Do you try to save your marriage? Of course you do! Communicate with her how you feel and try to get her to divulge why she feels differently. Letting her go only proves to her why she wants to leave in the first place.
it really sounds like she has someone else, because if she didn’t she would want to go to counseling. usually when they say they don’t love u anymore, its because they love someone else.i wouldn’t leave the family home, she can say u abandoned her and the kids. nothing u can do if she doesn’t love u anymore but to get divorced.
If you love her you want to be happy. She’s not. Try to salvage a friendship out of this mess. Be there for her if she needs you but respect that fact that it’s over in her eyes. Let her go
goodness, that’s the saddest story I’ve read in YA so far…
Sir, it’s not your fault if she doesn’t love you anymore.
It’s her lost, we’ll see if she’s going away happy without you.
try to keep an eye for her 24/7, she might be cheating on you.
Give her some space, she needs to do some of her things ALONE.
But family should be always united, and divide you will fall.
ask her why she doesn’t love you anymore.
if a person really loves you, he/she will not let time pass by, being bored or irritated should not be present for true love.
if you’re going to ask her, i’m sure she’ll be as honest as she could.
let me know if you’re in good terms with her…I like happy endings not sad ones…=)
GodBless!
something has definitely gone wrong. When she requested you go for marriage guidance, it’s out of saving the marriage and when you refused, she had no solution to outstanding issues which must have gone unsolved n too painful to go on. She must be feeling that problems have reached the point of no return so, she refuses marriage guidance now. No woman will ever leave her man if you treated her well. Sadly, most people tend to let things slide and take things for granted after being married for some years.
Sounds like your ‘male ego’ really messed you up. Keep trying, don’t give up. Tell her you won’t divorce her until she at least tries marriage counseling. After all, it WAS her idea in the first place. She probably doesn’t want to go now because she feels you’ll just blow it off. Tell her you will really listen to her and the counselor and want to make things better and that you realize now you’ve got faults and would like to correct them. It’s what she wants to hear, believe me. I got my husband to go to a marriage counselor when we were on the verge of divorce. We are now very happy and more in love now I think than we were before. However, we also moved out of state and got away from his meddling family. Maybe make an effort to change your current situation, too.
leave her alone for a couple of days ot let her cool off a little, then try to talk to her.
ask her what you can do to try to save your life together with her. tell her that you’re sorry for not trying the marriage guidance earlier but you didn’t want to think that things had gotten that bad between you but now you know they have and you want to do anything you can to save your relationship.
tell her that you still love her and the kids more than anything and you’re willing to change just for a chance of staying with her.
this may not work as she may have made up her mind, but you have to try while you’re still married to her and around her.
i wish you all the best
xx
leave her alone. 3 years ago after 25 years and 5 kids i did the same thing to my husband then we lived in the same house for 2 years and i was miserable. he kept trying but it was and is over. trust me your wife didn’t just get up one morning and decide to end her marriage she had detached emotionally long ago and i find it hard to believe you didn’t notice. if you accept it maybe you 2 can be on good terms for your kids who you say you love so much. personally i think you should have left the day she told you. my husband only made me hate him. we could have been on good terms but he wouldn’t have it and im getting my divorce any way. if its been more than a couple days trust me she meant what she said and she is already gone
I think it too late to ask “what do I do”. You should have gone to marriage guidance. It sounds like her mind is made up and shes moved on past the marriage. I would suggest that now you go to counseling or find a divorce group to help you through this. Put your male ego aside and get yourself help. Talk to a divorce attorney and find out what what your rights and responsibilities are. Best of luck.
divorced her and by the shoes hit her on her head … this the only solution after 19 years of marriage … be a man guy
Your wife sounds like she is going through a lot right now. You should try to remind her of her family. A family needs all its members. Maybe you should give her the space she wants, but always remind her of her responsibilities.
Let her have her space, but tell her not to be too selfish.
If your children are still young, you have every right to be in your house.
Dont let her bully you away.
I am so sorry for you. I would respect her wishes, give her space, but when she does talk to you tell her that you love her and the kids. Tell her that you are sorry for not wanting to go to the counseling to begin with.
She probably doesn’t want to go to it now with you because she thinks it is just a joke and that you are going to redicule her if you go.
Rethink ALL of the things that she said were a problem, such as you didn’t pick up after yourself, you weren’t home enough, you slept to long, you didn’t last long enough in bed, etc… FIX THEM ALL. Even if she still stays away or is distant continue to resolve ALL of her problems. She will see how much you love her AND the kids and she may just rethink what she has told you as a result.
I wish all five of you well,
Kara
I thinnk you should speak to her and if she does not want then write a letter about how terrible you feeling about everything that had happened in past, place the letter where she can find. Don’t force her for anything if she wants time.. give her.. time is a great healer amy be she will come in her sense…. there is possibility that she found somebody… bt don’t loose ground stay there for best….best of luck
I agree with one poster above – that she didn’t get up one day and think it’s finished, but have detached from you emotionally, gradually over time.
Everyone’s different of coz, but I hope my personal experience could help you glean something :
As a woman and speaking from my personal experience, I detached from an ex (bf) over a period from 1.5 yrs, before telling him it’s finished. The root cause was unfulfilment.
Things I’ve told him that matters to me were not perceived seriously. They may be small things, but it all adds up. Ultimately, I don’t feel that my partner regards me seriously enough, despite tears / quarrels / loving ways to quietly put points across / screams etc.
You have to know that a woman whose feelings wasn’t taken seriously / assured is like a flower without water. We wilt. I could even forgive his infidelity (which wasn’t the cause at all for our breakup), and had a few years of loving relationship after that, but I can not continue to feel disappointed repeatedly, by a partner who I don’t feel that he “cares” enough.
So with every “little” disappointment, I detach “little by little”, until there is not enough to have the relationship anymore.
I’m sorry, but when your wife asked to see a cousellor, she is probably already near to her wits ends. And to have you reject that last effort to save the marriage based on ego, (and I hope I’m wrong), I can already see how many other times she possibly couldn’t get through to you, because of your ego.
Advise now:
Like what the other poster above wrote, think about everything that she said to you, that you didn’t do. Every little thing. Pick up after yourself? Take out the garbage? Kiss her face when you awoke in the morning and smile at her? DO THEM.
Since she told you there is no chance of saving your marriage, she does sound like she is already VERY disappointed. So do not try to be overly physical with her, least u scare her away. Just a tiny kiss here and there. Looking at her and smiling like you found treasure.
Bring her flowers with a note that says you love her. Tell her she is a great wife and mother. Take a day off from work and do all the housework, and surprise her with a perfectly clean house when she comes back from work. Or if she is a housewife, just do it when she’s around anyway, and tell her tonight you are her “Special French Chef” or whatever you can conjure up with, and make her dinner. Etc etc etc. In other words, WOO HER BACK!!!!
If she’s ready to speak, then tell her you are sorry, and is willing to try/ ask her what you can do / etc, like the rest mentioned above.
Until she actually move forward with divorce proceedings, you still have a chance.
Good luck!
What do to??? Cartwheels.
Hey take the gift…work out a fair divorce…and leave and be FREE.
BC
When your number comes up, you have to go. This is certain not only in death but also in marriage. Many men have been in your shoes, same words, same situation. Today is your turn and after you many other men will follow the same track: the unpredictability in women.
Take it like a man. Accept her decision. You are leaving the wife not your children. …you are not without faults and she is neither. Do not apologize for what you have done…she, simply as a woman acts like a woman: crazy. If you have been a OK husband and father, I bet you that in a few months after divorce, she will miss you and want you back. The rest will be up to you.
give her her space and then she should come round.if u never used to make much of an effort in certain areas that she cared about be4, then u could now.as well as give her her space
it sounds like its late in the game. look for another place to live work on your life together with your children .
You stay PUT until the JUDGE makes you or her MOVE OUT
Well first, if you are against the divorce, then try and make it work, but if all else fails tell her she will be the one that needs to leave, that you are staying in your house and your children are staying with you. Don’t assume that just because you are the father you have to leave when she gets tired of you. What I would do anyway is hire a private detective and have her followed to make sure she isn’t cheating, or to catch her if she is. If she isn’t willing to fight for your family, then you need to, so make sure you fight for your children, as they are the most important thing ever! She will make you feel like you aren’t wanted, or you won’t get them, but you will be the one stating to the judge you want your marriage to work, and you want your family whole. Don’t bend on it!